I went to Hawkchurch in Devon. I went to Lizzie's cottage; Lizzie who composes the music for the A Graceful Death exhibition. Lizzie has gone on tour in the US and we arranged ages ago, that I would spend a few days there enjoying the peace and quiet, and even at the time we discussed this visit, my life was fairly stressful. By the time I was packing my bags to leave, my life here felt as if it was bludgeoning me with a mallet.
It will be a small blog this week, as I am now very laid back. I have photographer extraordinaire Eileen with me, and we are working on our Bridport A Graceful Death venture in November, and then we are going to a fair here in Bognor. In the spirit of being extremely healed and smiling a lot with not only my mouth but my eyes too, from the panic of the last few weeks, in the spirit of having come back from Devon with my feathers well and truly smoothed, I shall fit this account into my plans to go to a fair, instead of fitting the fair around my plans to blog.
I must thank all of you for your wonderful support and kindness around casting my wonderful and sad son into his own life without me. So many of you gave me wise and loving advice, and so many of you reassured me that we would all survive. I want to reproduce an email that my friend Stuart sent from Scotland, that helped me so much. Stuart has suffered greatly. He has lost his beautiful wife to suicide (and today, 4 August 2008, is the anniversary of last day he saw Sue before she went ahead with her plan to end her life) and as a result tumbled deeper and deeper himself into depression and alcohol. Stuart ended up going to Alcoholics Anonymous, and has turned (and is still turning) his life around, and Stuart knows a great deal about making choices and taking responsibility for your own life. Perhaps I should add that Stuart is, too, a deeply sensitive, intelligent, kind and modest man. And so, the following email means so much to me.
" Hi Antonia
|Stuart and Sue look over at each other, and between them is an extract from Sue's diary, her suicide note, and a letter full of love for Stuart from their wedding day many years before.|