Sunday, 25 March 2018

Notes on Loving Yourself

From now on, I aim to write more frequent and shorter blogs.  

It is part of stepping into my magnificence.  Below is a link to the first blog introducing this idea of stepping into my magnificence - 

And here is the last blog with a magnificence progress report -

I cannot do magnificence if I don't let it out, and you all, who read this, are stepping into your magnificences too.  It is harder to be magnificent alone, in splendid isolation.  We need each other, and part of the magnificence that we embrace is the courage to do and be it outside of our sitting rooms.  To tell ourselves and each other that that is what we are doing.  

As an emerging magnificent, here are some examples of the ways in which we may find ourselves greeting each other.

"Good morning!  I haven't seen you for a while!  How are you?  What are you doing these days?"

  • Answer 1 - "Morning.  I've been, you know, hiding.  I've had a cold, and, well, not been doing much.  Put on loads of weight but have just bought shares in Cadbury's.  Ha ha just got a crate of cream eggs as a thank you. Work's tough, kids are always complaining, though I don't know why, they've all got new iphones.  Doing OK, you know, just getting through." 

  • Answer 2 - "Oh hello!  Yes, I have been soooo busy, too busy, gosh, feet not touched the ground!  Can't imagine how I even got myself dressed this morning, meetings, projects, oh just a whirl of activity!  Ha ha ha, can you imagine, I haven't seen the children for a fortnight, and my boss wants me to go to Timbuktu AND I have to give four different conferences just this afternoon on four different topics! In America!  Must go!" 

  • Answer 3 - "Nice to see you again!  How are you?  I am stepping into my magnificence, it's an ongoing thing and so far, today, I have been quite magnificent.  You look great, what's going on in your life?"  

Which of the above, as an emerging magnificent, is you?  It takes concentration, and dedication, to remember what you are doing.  It is easy to fall into our usual patterns of  defence, denial and discouragement, our first encounter of the day may challenge us to feel inadequate, scruffy, ugly and awkward.  It may not, but if it does, this is the first test of channelling our magnificence.

Briefly, what is our magnificence?

Our magnificence, your magnificence, is the decision to love yourself.  Listen to Bob Marley here.  The You he talks about, for the purposes of this blog, is Yourself.  This is a love song you must sing to yourself.   Play it now and dedicate it from you, to you.

Notes on Loving Yourself

We know we must do this.  But what does it look like?  It is a lifelong commitment to getting to know yourself, warts and all, without judgement.  Without judgement.  Try this idea

meet yourself where you are, not where you would like to be.  

In our world, we understand that we must strive to be somewhere, be someone, look good, be successful, not get weary (we can be tired because that may indicate we are overworking and overworking is good), have all the answers, never be wrong, be a version of ourselves we just cannot seem to grasp.  To meet yourself where you are, is a powerful, gentle, coming home to yourself, if you do it without judgement.  After all, what is the point of judging yourself?  It keeps that smoke screen of perceived failure up so that you can feel despair without having to actually come back into yourself as you truly are, right now, right here, in all your vulnerability, and stand in your own space. 

Meeting someone where they are is what you may do to a friend with a problem that feels insurmountable.  Or your child who is lost in self doubt and fear about something you as a parent can see is getting out of perspective fast.  You see how you can apply it to yourself?

Meet yourself where you are, play Bob Marley again above, and take a deep breath.  That is where you are.  It is what it is, and it is fine.  Where you want to be, is a whole different thing, and though it is good to have an idea of where this place is, the judgement that we are hoping to step away from, will fire up that smokescreen of despair and fear again.  So just focus on the meeting yourself where you are for now.  It takes courage and you need to be affirmed for doing it.  We can't get to the top of the stairs until we acknowledge we are at the bottom of them.  Standing at the bottom of the stairs and feeling a failure, will not get you to the top.  You have to notice you are at the bottom, see how to move forward, and then begin the climb.

Perhaps the idea of your magnificence is too much for you.  But what if it is possible?  Remember again that if energy follows thought, and you decide to think that you are magnificent with a small m, perhaps that is a good start.  In the same way, if energy follows thought and you think you are rubbish, fat, can't make money, then can you see, that is what you will be?  

Play Bob Marley again, take a plunge, meet yourself where you are, give yourself a break, smile and tell yourself it is good to meet yourself again, and simply let that be enough.

Where you would like to be can happen later, once you have acknowledged that who and where you are right now, is good enough.  In fact, possibly, magnificent. 

Events coming up to which you are most welcome

Loss Conversations will include accompanying the dying, grief, bereavement, love life and hope.

Coming Home Workshops, coming back to ourselves.  In which we explore how we have become disconnected and homesick for ourselves. A short two minute description follows here

Two next workshops are - 

Sunday 8 April at My Sisters' House Arun and Chichester Women's Centre in Bognor Regis

Sunday 6 May at The Waltham House Studios in Bognor Regis

For details, descriptions, booking information follow the link below


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