Update

A dear medic friend said of my news today that it could have been a tsunami, but because of my robust health and getting myself checked in time, it is a raindrop.

I have been diagnosed with endometrial cancer. Perhaps there is healing in this, the cancer is in my womb where Costya and Dimitri came from. My body is crying, and though I am looking for the light and not allowing guilt or regret to dominate, my body is carrying my sadness.

I will be fine. It is caught early and a single operation should remove it all. I am so grateful for this but it means that my team will have to step in while I recover, and I will have to surrender to recovery. Beloved will go on, Beloved is too important to wait.

The latest painting is called Holy Family, Sacred Heart. It is part one of a diptych where my daughter Lexi and I are on one panel, and Costya and Dimitri will be on another. We are a holy family still. We are all holding our sacred hearts – only Jesus, his mother Mary and the Saints are portrayed with a sacred heart. It shows they have suffered and their hearts have been “pierced with a sword”. Even though the boys have left this world, they are still with us. Not gone, just changed. When I have finished painting Costya and Dimitri the Holy Family will be completed. We are all holy, no matter how broken. When things go wrong, we lose sight of our holiness, the light that is always there. This painting wants to remind us that even in great suffering – because of great suffering, we and our sacred hearts are still holy.

To make a donation to the Beloved exhibition, please go to my Go Fund Me page below. Every donation helps, and as there is no charge for the exhibition, I am raising money to pay for the exhibition venues, the travel, accommodation, van hire, paints, printing, marketing and so on. All of it comes from the generosity
of those kind donations.

Thank you.

Beloved, an exhibition of paintings bringing suicide and addiction deaths into the light. I have lost two sons to addiction and suicide and Beloved has come from their loss.

Beloved

A new exhibition

I am creating a powerful new exhibition of paintings and words about deaths from addiction, overdose and suicide, an already dark subject that I am bringing into the light.  I am calling the exhibition Beloved.

I lost both my sons to suicide and addiction, one after the other aged 29 and 27. Despite the darkness of their lives and the tragedy of their deaths I saw that no matter how dark the darkness is, the light is always there. Beloved is the name I have given to those who die through suicide, addictions and overdoses, and also to those already in the light who collect our lost people to carry them back into the light. These paintings and words are about finding consolation for these lost and lonely deaths and for those of us left behind. 

This new collection of paintings follows on from the “Addicts And Those Who Love Them, behind every addict is someone traumatised by loving them” exhibition of portraits and words from addiction which I created to try and understand my boys’ addictions.  It taught me so much, but I couldn’t save them.  And this is the next part of their, my, our story.  I am exploring the light that the darkness tries to blot out.

Suicide, overdose, addiction deaths are painful, traumatising and hard to live with.  This is why, after losing two sons in this way, I am looking for the light.  This exhibition, Beloved, is about both consolation and light in profound darkness. 

Beloved GoFundMe page

There is no charge to come to this or any of my exhibitions. 

I am asking for donations and funding from all of you to help me create, organise, pay for and host this powerful and much needed exhibition.  My team and I – wonderful friends who help with admin, transport, setting up and taking down, listening and caring during the exhibition and telling people about Beloved - take no payment from our fund raising.  Everything goes into creating the exhibition.

Please look at the Beloved page and donate. 

We, I, am so grateful. 

We need you.

What is Beloved?

What is Beloved, how am I creating it? Watch a short film.

Exhibition Dates - 2025

BRIGHTON
Fishing Quarter Gallery, 201 Kings Parade Arches, BN1 1NB
19^th – 25^th May. Opening night Monday 19^th May
Entrance free

EDINBURGH
Fringe Festival Whitespace Gallery, 76 East Crosscauseway, EH8 9HQ
2^nd – 13^th August.  Opening night Monday 2^nd August
Entrance free